pain

(no subject)

ok ay, i totally feel the need to vent...

first of all, the assholes at work had me close every single night this weekend... friday, saturday, sunday and monday.... what kind of fucking 4 day weekend is that... bitches.  not only that but the people i had to work with on those four days were either totally bitchy, people where just in pissy moods, or completely stupid.  how freaking hard it it to walk up and down aisles and straighten boxes...its a fairly simple concept.  i hate to imagine what it would be like for them at a real job....scary thought...

and i had like 2 near death experiences while driving to and from work.  some fucking idiot from cali decided to change lanes right in front of me, without a blinker, in the middle of an intersection, and while hitting the brakes causing me to slam on my brakes and swerve to miss them.... causing me to have a mini panic attack the whole rest of the way home and braking into tears the minture i got out of my car... i do not handle that kind of stuff well.. 

oh and homework... don't even get me freaking started.  i have been so sleep deprived all last week because i have been trying to finish my millions of hours of homework before the next day so this weekend i couldn't wake up before noon without almost falling asleep walking.  so i slept  till noon, woke up, ate lunch, and went to work.  so i am trying to finish reading a chapter for ap us gov, write a summary of a primary document, take online tests for ap gov, make a poster illustrating the 25th amendment which is pretty boring actually, and the last thing on my list is to write a rough draft for my the importance of being earnest essay that was supposed to be half done on thrusday and i am no where near being half done.  

to sum it all up... i am fucking stressed.... and i can't sleep when i am stressed... so i can't focus during school... which causes more stress... and the people at work are bitches... which of course adds to the stress........

fuck it all...
  • Current Mood
    aggravated aggravated
bang

(no subject)

 so... today was uhhh interesting.  i was woken up at 6:30 in the morning to leave for my cousin's basketball game.  
i decided that i wanted to see la crosse a little bit before i thought about going there and so we drove around there for a while.  driving "around" with my father behind the wheel isn't the smartest idea because we geenerally find ourselves in not good situations.  so many dead end roads.  so i saw pieces of that and it is pretty spiffy.  very pretty in the winter, but very snowy.

then we hit the eau claire mall which i have been in way to many times for my own good.  

then we went to my cousin's basketball game.  which was oh so exciting.  the score was like 60 something to 30 something.  the other team didn't stand much of a chance.  but they had this uber jiggly man with tatoos and earings and everything.  very distracting.   i kept watching the jiggly man and i missed a lot of what was really going on.  

After the game we ate at hardees, it was pretty neat.  i haven't eaten at a hardees in forever.  very strange.  and after we had eaten we headed back to my aunts house.  she lives convienently in the middle of freaking nowhere!!  my cousin jason got rock band something for christmas and the decided it would be chill if i sang.  not cool.  but yea.  it was fun.  i would just want the singing part.  the guitar and drums looked way behond my level of skill.  

then on the way home it was three solid hours of ice cream and bad singing.  

overall not a bad day....

well love yall!
  • Current Mood
    exhausted exhausted
bang

(no subject)

 ok...

well i had the hardest time getting to this snowy hell i am in right now.  we switched flights like 3 times and didn't get in until about 2:30 ish in the morning.  so we drove to my grandma's house from milwaukee which is normally a 2 hour drive.  we didn't get there until about 5:45ish.  we almost died many times.  
and now i am here....
on the first day of christmas i got a laundry basket, a bunch of jewelery making stuff, socks, a lot of books, and this csi computer game that i can't wait to try out when i get home.  
on the second day of christmas i got nothing....except a totally awkward car ride with my uncle jeff...
on the third day of christmas i got a towel, an rather unattractive angel from my aunt june, a popcorn machine, some mugs, and the lovely task of helping my aunty jean design my aunty june's headstone.... joy
on the fourth day of christmas i got 2 pairs of earrings, two books, itunes money i can't use becuase my computer blockes the itunes store(damn vista) a beautiful scarf and the joy of hanging out with my family.  i miss hanging out with them all the time....

oh yea and my friends gave me pajamas, colored pencils, and a bunch of make-up stuffs.  

overall its been a decent christmas....
bang

(no subject)

 no one uses this thing anymore.  
i feel special because i do.  i remember back in the day when everyone did.  *sigh* the days before myspace and facebook. 
down the hole

(no subject)

 Sometimes i sit here and think "what the hell is wrong with me?"  like i know i used to have an amazing life.  i never really had much to complain about.  I know i started drama and created problems that shouldn't have been a big deal, but i had a pretty ideal life.  I am shocked at how little i did to try and keep that life i had.  I agreed with the move, not just because it was good for my dad's job, but because i thought it would be exciting and new.  I lost contact with nearly all my friends for no good reason.  I haven't talked to some people for over a year now.  a year..... Now i look at people's pictures and try hard to imagine what it was like.  Prom, homecoming, football games, relationships, becoming a high school senior with the people i loved most.  And i didn't do anything to keep in touch.  I am graduating alone guys.  I will be thinking about all of you when i walk across that stage.  I wish I could have been with you when i grew out of my akward stage, when i realized that i wasn't a fugly piece of shit.  I am sorry i have lost touch, especially with you kay, its killing me.  All i can think of when i remember you is skipping down the hall after lunch and people staring at us like we were crazy, thats what i miss.  

I feel like such a wuss sometimes
empty

(no subject)

 she is gone.  
she broke her leg trying to sit down.  the cancer ate away at the bone.  they took her to the hospital and decided to put a pin in her leg to help hold it together.  it was their best option.  they put her completely under and everything seemed to be okay, but she never woke up.  they tried to take the breathing tube out, but she wasn't breathing on her own.  they decided to just let her go.  the last thing i heard her say was i love you.  As if she knew.  i saw her less than a week ago guys.... less than a week.  i leave for her funeral tonight.  its so hard being here at school and not breaking down. i want to be with erica.  imagine being almost completely alone.  but at least she didn't feel any pain.  she went peacfully, escaped from the pain.  but i loved her to guys.  and i didn't have the guts to say it.  
i love you aunty june
  • Current Mood
    sad sad thats the only word for it